Wii Games of the Future
There's no denying it—the Wii is big, and not just because of its library of light-hearted family games. With real-world products like Wii Fit, the Wii Vitality Sensor and the as-yet unconfirmed Wii Qube and Wii Relax, it's becoming clear that a machine we used to use for mere entertainment is insinuating itself into every aspect of our lives. If developers can take a game console and make it a meditation machine, what else might they do? And with seemingly every activity—from deep-sea diving to dancing; from fishing to forensics—everything, including the absurd or the tedious, is becoming common Wii game fare. With that in mind, what might the Wii games of the future have in store for us? We've been thinking about that a lot lately and so now we present to you, a sneak peek into a few of the theoretical—some might say, inevitable—Wii Games of Tomorrow.
The fitness craze has explored every possible angle, from liquid diets to fitness machines, from pole-dancing videos to cosmetic surgery. And when every fitness fad has been exhausted and every celebrity role-model over-exposed, where do you go? Prison, that's where. Where else can you find such an impressive collection of huge, muscular men? Wii Prison Yard Fit features a wide range of effective prison-themed fitness activities guaranteed to give you the ruggedly ripped physique seen on today's most “committed” inmates.
In addition to the usual weight training, tone your body through yard brawling, shiv-whittling or digging a hole through a stone wall with a spoon. Historic Alcatraz expansion pack includes the challenging “paddling to freedom on a raft made of raincoats” mode and future downloadable content will include three thrilling co-op modes: Guard Overthrow, Warden Capture, and Prison Riot.
One of the hottest trends in gaming these days are games that let you dabble in different vocations. Titles like CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and Trauma Center let you discover what it's like to step into the shoes of top detectives and talented surgeons. But what if you're just not that ambitious? What if you have no interest in catching crooks, saving lives or even being generally productive? Wii High School Janitor lets under-motivated gamers sample one of the few careers likely to be open to them. Spend the game's day cycle leering at teenage girls or smoking in the school basement, and its night cycle sleeping on the principal's couch and breaking into student lockers looking for weed.
Increasingly, developers are tapping into the way every day activities can be turned into entertainment. As shown by the My Baby, Dogz and Cooking Mama games, apparently any tedious chore can be turned into a game the whole family will enjoy. From that concept comes the Wii “Line” series and its flagship title, Wii Line at the Bank. Ingeniously using the Wii remote and balance board, Line at the Bank lets you enjoy hours of checking your watch and shifting restlessly from foot to foot while obsessive-compulsive customers argue over ten cent account overages and old ladies buy money orders with sacks of unrolled pennies. Other gripping titles in the series include Wii Line at the Post Office and Wii Line at the DMV.
We've all, at one time or another, been approached by a crazy-eyed drifter or a group of tattooed suburban refugees. And haven't we all, after handing them a quarter and scuttling fearfully away, looked back at them and wished our lives could be as carefree as theirs? For those of you who just don't have the luxury of giving up your comfortable home and full refrigerator for a life on the streets, Wii Panhandler lets you live the dream. Beg for change in ten gritty urban environments including San Francisco's Tenderloin district and Chicago's Cabrini Green. The fun starts right at character customization, which lets you choose your scars, skin conditions, level of hair-mattedness, tattered outfit type and voice lines like “Do you have a dollar so I can ride the bus?” and “Don't tell me I didn't used to be a dog!”.
This one's a total gimme. “Adult” themed games are big business so can there be any doubt that some day, the Wii will want a piece of that action? Yeah, the Wii's known as the family console, but that doesn't mean there aren't all kinds of possibilities for Wii sleaze. Imagine the ways in which the Wii remote, nunchuck and balance board could be used for ahem—gameplay. No, we're not gonna tell you. Just...imagine.
In our busy lives, we don't have much time for rest and soulful reflection. And most of us can't afford to quit work and go on a year-long spiritual retreat. Wii Tibetan Monastery lets us overstimulated rat-racers avoid a tiresome Himalayan journey and altitude sickness and work on our spiritual growth in the comfort of our own homes. Packaged with the new Wii Clipper peripheral, gamers can shave their heads and enjoy such humble, soul-cleansing activities as chanting, pacing and sitting in the lotus position until all feeling is gone from their legs. Note: this game is not for beginners. New players should first complete Wii Self-Awakening and Wii No-Indoor-Plumbing.
It's a competitive world out there and even today's games are being used to teach people new skills. It's a frustrating, tech-dominated world we live in, so why not build your kids' endurance up early on? Few things are as irritating as entering text with the squirrely Wii remote and Wii Speed Typing takes advantage of that. By giving players long, tedious documents to type within a sixty-second time frame, it tests their ability to withstand impossibly annoying tasks using the most inappropriate tools imaginable. How better to prepare your kids for the work force of tomorrow?