Old Games Due for a Remake
The last few years, it seems remakes are on the rise. Whether we're enjoying the New Super Mario Brosgame or being subjected to an updated Karate Kid movie, it seems in this economy, more and more we're seeing entertainment companies avoiding risk and looking for a “sure thing”. And what's more sure than revamping a successful idea? (Then again, there's really no way to explain the existence of Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game.) While there's no shortage of remakes in the works, there are still quite a few classic titles that have somehow escaped the remake madness, despite seeming like perfectly good candidates for a gameplay update.
Q*bert
First up for a facelift, Q*bert. For anyone who doesn't remember it (or was born after 1982), Q*bert's an arcade game from the early 80's where you move a hoppy little hose-nosed creature around a 2D pyramid made of individual cubes, changing the colors of said cubes by jumping on them. It sounds simple enough except that you have to do this while keeping from falling off the pyramid and avoiding falling lethal red balls and scads of wispy-headed enemies. Q*bert was an extremely addictive and entertaining game, especially when the hero died and let loose with a series of funny little pseudo-curse words.
At first glance, Q*bert doesn't offer much for a modern day developer to work with, but imagine Q*bert reborn as a 21st century game hero. These days Q*bert's pyramid wouldn't be stuck in 2D; the whole playing field could take on an Escher-like aspect, turning every which way like Mario Galaxy. You could even change the original pyramid to any number of shapes, which could intensify gameplay exponentially. Q*bert was originally conceived as having a shooting mechanic and that could be added back in so that Q*bert (now rendered in crazy-ultra-mega high res 3D) could hop, bob and weave around an ever-changing 3D field, using his tubular nose to blast any wispy little bastards that get in his way. And in this day and age, why censor the little guy? Upon death, Q*bert could let fly a stream of obscenities that would make Sam Jackson blush.
Ghosts and Goblins
Sticking with the arcade theme, Capcom's Ghosts and Goblins is another title ripe for a remake. To begin with, the original game was so damn difficult, few people could (or would) play it. Players take on the role of a knight bent on rescuing a princess from the King of the Demon World. The main point of the game was to get through each monster-filled level without running out of time or being hit more than twice. The secondary point? To avoid running out of quarters before getting five minutes into it.
Through the years, many ports of this unbelievably challenging game were made (most recently one for iPhone), but none can be called a true remake. It's been nearly 30 years since Ghosts and Goblins was created, and if the game was remade today, it could crank up the production values as well as keep all the best elements of the game: the music, enemies, the weapons, the running around in the woods in your underwear... It could also and take advantage of today's tech advancements—like, say, difficulty settings. Yeah, no doubt the hardest of the hard core are gasping at that notion; after all, what value would their ability to complete G&G have if everyone could do it? Sorry guys, this is America, a land where everyone has the right to pursue happiness—and get all the way through Ghosts and Goblins.
Duck Hunt
Duck Hunt first appeared on the NES and introduced new console owners to the joys of shooting stuff with the Nintendo Zapper Light Gun. Players faced a 2D swamp, accompanied by their faithful dog, and shot the ducks the dog flushed out (or endured the dog's mockery when they failed to hit their targets). If players deemed ducks too easy, they could opt to shoot a series of faster-moving clay pigeons. While hunting games remain perennially popular, and Cabela releases new hunting games just about yearly (and these sometimes have bird-centric mini-games) those titles mostly involve hunting things like deer, bear and mountain lions. So where's the game for the duck-and-clay-pigeon connoisseur?
The new-and-improved Duck Hunt could dazzle the player with a plethora of customization options. First, you'd be able to choose your hunting companion. Enough with the sarcastic mutt—what if when you missed a shot, you were instead snickered at by a wombat, harangued by an army drill sergeant or consoled by Christina Hendricks? Next, you'd be able to choose from an absurd variety of standard and not-so-standard weapons. It's bound to get old shooting ducks with a rifle so why not a Super Soaker? Or a turkey baster? Or a tube of tartar-control toothpaste? While we're at it, why not amp the whole thing up even more by including bullet time and a Dick Cheney multiplayer mode where you could shoot your co-hunter right in the face?
Full Throttle
While in some ways it seems like sacrilege to remake such a fine classic adventure game, the possibilities for making it even better are too tempting. For you non-adventure game players, Full Throttle was one of designer Tim Schafer's masterpieces—a story about a rock 'n roll biker that precedes Brutal Legend by a full 14 years. Players took on the role of Ben, leader a of motorcycle gang called the Polecats, and used their fact-finding, hog-riding and ass-kicking skills to defeat Malcolm Corley, the sinister owner of hovercraft manufacturing company, Corley Motors. Since 2000, there've been two attempts at a Full Throttle sequel by LucasArts, its original developer. Both failed due to two things: the absence of Tim Schafer and the peculiar desire to fix what ain't broken.
What made Full Throttle so amazing was the writing, so imagine the game remade not as a generic action game, but focused on the writing's high level of comedy. Now add to that the sophisticated dialog mechanics of Mass Effect 2, and how can you lose? Not only could the use of ME2's mechanics enrich character interactions, its Renegade action system (no point in having a Paragon option here) would make it possible for Ben to grab a scumbag like Corley by his polyester lapels and shake him until his fillings fall out. In terms of action, there's no need to reinvent the wheel (hardy har) here; rather than cluttering things up with a lot of unnecessary platforming or strategy game elements, things could take on a whole new intensity just by re-envisioning the rail-driven motorcycle fight scenes so that players could move the camera around the character and better target their enemies. See there? Simple. What may not be so simple is getting an embittered Tim Schafer involved in the remake.
Joust
In its day, Joust was the most addictive 2-player 80's arcade games outside of Mario Bros and Double Dragon. You and a friend played knights mounted on top of big-ass birds, batting against enemies also mounted on big-ass birds. Everyone flew around madly, landing on platforms set at various heights as they desperately attempted to out-joust one another. When you or your friend successfully beat an enemy, an egg dropped and you had to swoop down and get it before it could hatch into another enemy.
Again, the possible graphic upgrades here are obvious. Players and birds could be much more detailed, VFX could be more spectacular, the lava could look much more lava-like, etc. But what might really be interesting is if the challenge and the chaos of the game were increased. The original Joust could be played either co-op or versus; now imagine if the playing field was much bigger and could accommodate not two players, but eight - or even more? Imagine if it was conceived as a medieval, flighted, egg-filled version of Call of Duty, with teams, classes and custom weapons loadouts? Sure, you laugh now, but just wait until you've felt the satisfaction of dive-bombing onto a highly-defended platform to defuse a loudly ticking egg, then blasting the crap out of everything with your semi-automatic, scoped, grenade-launching lance—I assure you, you'll be singing a different tune.
Moon Patrol
The concept for the original Moon Patrol was as simple as it gets. You controlled a moon buggy and tried to navigate a side-scrolling moonscape without being taken out by tanks, lunar potholes or errant UFO's. That's it. Well, you also had to try to reach various checkpoints as fast possible, but things never got much more complicated. In retrospect, it's amazing the game was as absorbing as it was, but it just goes to show how simple a winning gameplay formula can be.
So if it's fun the way it is, why mess with it? Well remember what mountaineer George Leigh Mallory said when asked why he wanted to climb Mt. Everest—“Because it's there”? If it's good enough for Mallory, it's good enough for Moon Patrol. One way to go about upgrading the game would be by fleshing out the “story”. The original game only contained the sparest hints regarding the the game's context. You were said to be a police officer in Luna City, assigned to crime-infested Sector Nine—period. That idea could be expanded upon and used to create a slew of new and interesting enemies and obstacles, not to mention being a great excuse to expand your arsenal from cannon and anti-aircraft gun, to any number of out-of-this-world moon themed weapons. Add to that, better moon buggy bounce and all manner of crazy, over-the-top physics-based destruction and it's Moon Patrol turned up to eleven.
Popeye
1982 was a big year for memorable arcade games and Popeye, with its Donkey Kong-like gameplay (which, by the way, is no coincidence) was definitely one of them. Like DK, the point of the game was to save a damsel in distress (albeit a fairly homely one). Players took on the role of spinach-swilling sailor, Popeye, and worked to collect the hearts, “H-E-L-P” letters and musical notes tossed down by Olive Oyl while avoiding the attacks of the Sea Hag and longtime nemesis, Bluto. Naturally, now and then they'd get to snag a spinach can powerup and engage in some satisfying Bluto-bashing.
As it is, Popeye is a ton of fun to play, but in today's “extreme” loving society, it could use a little some'n some'n to make it more relevant. Now you don't want to mess with how Popeye and Co. look, so aside from some basic 3D upgrades, it's hands-off the characters. What might make the game more fun though is if the combat mechanic (which in the old game, consisted mostly of you fending off beer bottles thrown by Bluto and the Sea Hag) allowed you to do more. The original game let you punch, but mostly to break bottles. What if Popeye could use that punch—like he did in the cartoons—to let Bluto know who's boss? You could use all manner of nautical combos, like “Fiery Anchor” and “Spinning Oar” to kick the tar out of that tubby blowhard. And when you cleared the stage and rescued Olive, you'd have the option of activating a lascivious, God of War-like love scene. Guh, on second thought, maybe not.
